Play Ball!

Another exciting Cardinals season begins and Tony LaRussa hits the bottle to celebrate. Frankly, I am not shocked. He drives after hitting the bottle. Again, this is not shocking. But, if you listen to St. Louis fans, you might think so.

Sports do not interest me. I can not tell you who won a game or who plays for a team. I tire quickly in these sorts of conversations. I politely excuse myself. I am in no way qualified to comment upon most aspects of baseball. But, I love celebrity gossip.

I read TMZ, Perez Hilton and InTouch as if they were the Bible. I recite the details of celebrity court proceedings with precision. I carefully memorize the pros and cons of various overpriced rehab facilities. Watching the famous stumble brings me a perverse joy. Given this, I have some advice for Cardinals fans: NO ONE CARES ABOUT TONY LARUSSA'S DUI!

This information shocks some. Mothers Against Drunk Driving bemoans the poor role model created by celebrity DUIs. Certainly, drunk driving is a serious matter. It kills and maims innocent people daily. It is intrinsically wrong. But, in the world of professional sport and celebrity atrocities, it is not a career ender.

For those of you who missed it, last year a certain St. Louis Ram sliced another club patron at The Pepper Lounge open with a shard of broken glass. Cutting a perfect stranger is seriously violent. It is a terrible and reprehensible offense. The Rams still sold tickets. Opposing teams' fans continued to taunt us over our lousy playing instead of our wayward player. The stabbing horrified people, but only with the player off the field. No one held it against the Rams.

Criminal behavior and professional sports go hand in hand. The Rams employ their share of delinquents. Baseball players knock a few back and cheat on their wives. Basketball players fight fans during the games. Some pro athletes lead clean respectable lives. They may even be the silent majority, but bad behavior is so common place in professional sports that it is no longer shocking.

Tony LaRussa should be penalized for his poor judgment. But, he should be penalized in a court of law. Opposing fans cannot jeer us for his indiscretion. It would only take one quick Google search to taunt them in a similar manner. Instead, life for the Cardinals will go on in the same manner it always has. They will sell tickets regardless of their performance. They will play well sporadically. They might win. They might lose. At the end of the day, St. Louis cheers for the Cardinals even when LaRussa is too drunk to notice.